Adults! Stop Living in the Past – Recall. Don’t Stall.

 
I wish somebody would have told me babe
Some day, these will be the good old days
All the love you won’t forget
And all these reckless nights you won’t regret
 …
Never thought we’d get old, maybe we’re still young
Maybe we always look back and think it was better than it was
Maybe these are the moments
Maybe I’ve been missing what it’s about
Been scared of the future, thinking about the past
While missing out on now
We’ve come so far, I guess I’m proud
And I ain’t worried about the wrinkles around my smile
I’ve got some scars, I’ve been around
I’ve felt some pain, I’ve seen some things, but I’m here now
 

Here’s an interesting phenomenon that seems to be occurring with more frequency, or maybe I’m just taking notice of how more folks today can’t seem to be in the now without some type of complaint trailing their thoughts. “Social media is the downfall of all communication”, “Youth today have no direction”, and “Technology is eclipsing our view of life”. Are we truly that frustrated with the now? Are people today truly doomed? Or are we just repeating our parents own emotional history and feeling likewise trapped in our own pasts?

We’ve all had those moments… You’re sitting, sipping your favorite cup of coffee, staring blankly at the space in front of you, and you start to think about how quickly the years have gone by, yearning for your younger days, your high school days, your college years. You remember that cute boy with the beautiful green eyes and your first kiss (maybe deep brown or ocean blue eyes, hey it’s your memory!). You think fondly about your group of friends laughing at the most ridiculous jokes, and talking with your bestie on that rotary phone nailed to the kitchen wall with the longest cord. You recall the days at the beach, the movie nights, or that carnival with the pretty lights once the sun went down. You think about your first, but old used car and all your friends squeezing in for a ride to nowhere, but it meant everything just to be together. The memory of the flashy nights you’d lose yourself and your thoughts as you surrendered to the pounding rhythms at your favorite club. Feeling like a king because she gave you her number, or a queen because he asked you for it! Your backpacking, poetry reading, pot smoking days. Bonfires and 3 day music festivals… to name just a few.

Did at least one of those make the corners of your mouth tug up in to a smile? Make your heart flutter like the ethereal wings of a butterfly? Did they all convey carefree feelings of adventure and innocence? Of course it did, because those days WERE more carefree. Not though because kids back in your days were different from the ones today, but because, simply put… YOU WERE YOUNGER.

Regardless of the generation a person lives in, if you were to ask parents of that time what the difference was between them and the kids at that very moment, they would all sigh in much disappointment, shake their heads with regret at how wonderful things USED TO BE when THEY were younger. They would claim that the newer generation is one of “laziness, disregard, disrespect, lack of direction, spending too much time listening to the radio, glued to the TV, playing video games and talking on the phone”.

Sounds like the complaints of today? Well, that was the complaint of many parents back in the 70’s and 80’s. Two decades that many of us recall with much fondness, but gave way to hours in front of the television as well as hours in front of an Atari game system (a personally beloved gaming system).

Just for fun, let us go further back in time for a true wake up call, to only mention two ..

In 1790,  the book Memoirs of the Bloomsgrove Family, Reverend Enos Hitchcock wrote, “The free access which many young people have to romances, novels, and plays has poisoned the mind and corrupted the morals of many a promising youth…”

An 1859 issue of Scientific American, page 9, stated “A pernicious excitement to learn and play chess has spread all over the country, and numerous clubs for practicing this game have been formed in cities and villages…chess is a mere amusement of a very inferior character, which robs the mind of valuable time that might be devoted to nobler acquirements … they require out-door exercises–not this sort of mental gladiatorship.”

Chess, novels and plays were discouraged and disparaged. They were deemed a corruption in their time as television, games and smartphones are a supposed corruption in ours. The Beatles were hated by parents in the 60’s, just as Metallica was in the 80’s, NWA in the 90’s and Lady Gaga or Cardi B today. Older generations long for the days past with an admiration that would make the one prior cringe.

We need to stop repeating history and learn to live in the now while still loving the memories that helped shaped us to what we are today. We need to not forget what it was like to be young and carefree. We need to understand the next generation (in this case, dare I say, Millennials) the way we expected to be understood. We need to help the new generation rise and shine in all their glory and not condemn them for the things they enjoy, or for the causes they fight for. We need to learn from the next generation and put that information to good use while imparting all the things we learned from our very youth, but with honesty and not with skewed memories to fit in to our perception of a better past.

As Macklemore’s song above Good Old Days so aptly states:

Never thought we’d get old, maybe we’re still young
Maybe we always look back and think it was better than it was
Maybe these are the moments
Maybe I’ve been missing what it’s about
Been scared of the future, thinking about the past
While missing out on now

— The Pretty Platform

Ladies Celebrating Ladies!

GIRL
Donna Missal

Girl, you got me all f*ked up I’m in my feelings
Oh, oh, oh girl, I had enough, just stop
We’re only human
I know, you don’t mean it
Still I take it all so personal
Girl, you got me all f*ked up
I don’t wanna steal your man
I’m not hanging with your friends
I’ve no one to impress
So why are you upsetting, stressing over nothing?
Hide in my apartment, shaming for my presence
Thinking I did something wrong
But I wouldn’t choose this
When women hate on other women
Everybody loses
,

yeah, hey …

It’s finally the weekend, the dust has settled, and I sit here reflecting on this month’s holidays… in particular February 13th!!! Leslie Knope introduced us to the fictional Galentine’s Day back in 2010… “Ladies celebrating Ladies”. A day you were to leave your intimate significant other back home, and show your female friends how much you appreciate the love that bonds you together with brunch and mimosas. A television moment that warmed hearts everywhere. Fast forward to 2019, and you can surely attest that this “holiday” is no longer fictional. Women worldwide have devotedly embraced this day, just as much as Hallmark has embraced Valentines day, and this year since was no different.

What may be the underlining reason why so many women, me included look forward to this day with much anticipation? If you are from the dude genre, you may not quite understand what we gain from our female counterparts that we can’t get from you the following day. Hint, it has NOTHING to do with shoes, or makeup.

Ask any woman, and with a twinkle in her eye and with a squeak of excitement in her voice, the answer is naturally simple. Females uplifting each other with words of encouragement, making one another smile with gestures of sweets, thanking each other for their support, their time, their listening ear and their kick ass advice. Having each other backs. Being one another’s rock and comic relief. A camaraderie like no other.

Which is why when I listened to Donna Missal’s song GIRL for the first time,
(check out the video at the bottom of this post) I was struck to the bone by the following lyrics:

“When women hate on other women everybody loses.”

That’s it!!! That right there, those 8 simple words help explain it.

Before Galentine’s Day was the new norm, married women had to come up with viable excuses to set aside time to spend with their friends; Lisa’s bachelorette party, Trish is having marriage problems, Emma got fired. A night out with the ladies was attributed more to the world of singles. Women in relationships were deemed selfish for taking time away from their families or significant others to go “hang out” with their friends. It was so frowned upon that even the older generation would warn us that we were actually risking our marriages with these so called “girls nights or girls trips”. Religious organizations played in on the fear by strongly advising couples to never vacation without one another if you don’t want your partner to stray.

“When women hate on other women everybody loses.”

Making women feel guilt and trepidation for their affection and sentiment toward the other women in their lives can render negative results in society as a whole. It handcuffs their natural character, setting in motion the rise of loneliness, depression, disconnection and anger, causing many women to lash out toward one another and even toward their partners, not realizing the underlying cause.

Simply put… Women need women. It’s one of our internal puzzle pieces. Experience has shown that the time spent with the ladies in my life, the moments I take to connect with them, the secrets I share with them, the tears I cry with them, the laughs between us, the memories created, does not risk my marriage one bit. Just as the time dedicated exclusively to him, to us, or to our children does not affect my friendships either.

Celebrating love is one of the most beautiful celebrations. Go ahead and celebrate your partner, celebrate your children, celebrate yourself, but don’t forget to celebrate Galentine’s Day because every relationship in your life is of utmost importance. Every person you love and that equally loves you back, shapes who you are, nurtures your spirit, energizes your soul.

Let’s make sure we continue to be a part of a society that flourishes on celebrating our female friends…. because in essence…

“When women hate on other women everybody loses.”

— The Pretty Platform

“Woman” Should Not Equate “Caged”

Fall in Line
Christina Aguilera

Little girls, listen closely
‘Cause no one told me
But you deserve to know
That in this world, you are not beholden
You do not owe them
Your body and your soul

You’re more than flesh and bones

And maybe it’s never gonna change
But I got a mind to show my strength
And I got a right to speak my mind
And I’m gonna pay for this
They’re gonna burn me at the stake
But I got a fire in my veins
I wasn’t made to fall in line

Not sure if you or your significant other keeps their television consistently on CNN, but a few months ago I was bombarded with preview after preview of the upcoming documentary of Notorious RBG, Ruth Bader Ginsberg herself. (A valuable watch). Snippets of her quotes littered the screen baiting me in with just 30 seconds of air time. Couple that with Christina Aguilera’s impactful lyrics that I have posted above (please check out the full video here) and you are emotionally transported to what I myself and what I believe most women continue to experience. Feeling like second class citizens.

In my conversations with different types of women; college graduates or high school dropouts, financially blessed or struggling to pay the rent, straight or gay, married or single, happily married or contemplating divorce, stay at home moms or career women, young or old, most have felt the pressures to FALL IN LINE with what society has set forth as the standard of acceptable behavior.

I don’t care what your title is or what your social status is… but if you are a woman I can say without a shadow of a doubt that you have had to overcome many obstacles all due to your gender alone. And that in itself is pretty fucked up. There are enough issues in this world and in life to allow gender to play such a major role in, well… ANYTHING.

But for a woman, some of these have been a thorn lodged in to their side …. If you’re single, when are you getting married. If you are married, when are you having children. If you are a career woman, you must not want to be with your children. If you are a stay at home mom, you must want a man to support your easy lifestyle. If you’re straight and single you must be gay. If you’re gay and single you must not realize you might be straight. If you’re young and not meeting society’s standards you’re wasting your youth, and if you’re old then you’re a burden. You’re too loud, too quiet, to thin, too fat. If you’re pretty and thin you must not be that smart, and if you’re not visually acceptable, you’re just lazy about your appearance. Take control of your life, but your reproductive freedom is not your own. If you’re shy then you’re weird, and if you’re friendly you’re flirty. Take care of your husband, but raise independent sons. If you have sex you’re promiscuous and if you don’t you’re a prude or a tease. If you’re outspoken you’re a bitch, and if you’re soft spoken everyone takes advantage.

Add religious beliefs to this mix and women, in most religions, are now tertiary or lower on the totem pole of life. God, Christ, Men, Women and Children. Unless your child is a grown male, then you get booted further down on that pole.

Surrealistic portrait of young woman with cage. Black and white photo

What makes all of this even worse? Our female comrades that excuse this idiotic type of behavior and view toward women. And by doing so, they are active participants in lighting the match that burns us at the stake when we take a stand on the very platform we clearly built, maintained and own.

I write this in hopes that it will piss you off enough to …. Speak up, stand up, act up! To be yourself, to encourage and to empower. To know and feel that you are more than your genitalia. You are your soul. You are your mind. You are your hard work and your courage. You are your ability to deal with and overcome all these fucking man-made barriers.

So, to everyone out there, simply put by Ruth herself, “A gender line… helps to keep women not on a pedestal, but in a cage”. 

And to all the girls and women out there… Play Christina’s words on loop deep down in your psyche, “You are not beholden, you do not owe them your body and your soul”.

— The Pretty Platform

 

 

“I Always Knew I Was The Shit”

I Like That – Janelle Monae

Uh, I remember when you laughed when I cut my perm off
And you rated me a six
I was like, “Damn”
But even back then with the tears in my eyes
I always knew I was the shit

Have you ever listened to a song and as you heard the lyrics, word for word, verse by verse, one in particular captured your attention because it resonated with a either a certain time in your life or a feeling you were currently experiencing? Did you take a deep breath, exhale and then nod in agreement? Did it move you to text your friends about it because you knew, truly knew that they too “needed” to hear it as much as you did? Well, that’s what my blog is now about. Those words, those verses, read either in a book, heard in a song, a movie or speech, or seen in the beauty of an art piece, compelling and inspiring us all to speak up about something.

Case in point, Janelle Monae’s song I Like That. I love this song in it’s entirety, and if you were in close proximity, you’d hear me sing along to it as if I were a contestant on The Voice. But the verse above really tugged at my emotions. I listened to it a few times over to understand exactly why; and then it hit me! Last day of Junior High School. A girlfriend and I decided to walk the outside perimeter of the building after school hours. We said goodbye to our friends as they all headed off toward their long awaited summer vacation. She and I paused to chill under the shade near the steps of the side entrance and chatted away like young girls do. Two boys then exited and as they made their way down the steps, one turned toward me. “You’re pretty”. Oh boy!!! Two simple words that seemed to have felt like a summer gift wrapped in a big red bow and made the air I inhaled tickle my heart. But as quickly as it was delivered to me, just as quickly it was snatched away. “Pretty ugly”! he concluded, and both boys chuckled, walking away to what I hoped was their worst summer ever.

I don’t recall who that boy was. And I’m sure it’s a good thing I don’t. All I remember are those four words…“You’re pretty. Pretty ugly”. Words that can and most likely will stay with us forever. And we either let them break us in to so many pieces we no longer recognize the vessel we once were, or we can give them a mental “Fuck You” and move on as if their 5 seconds in our lives didn’t even exist.

I yield on the side of the latter and I’m sure you do too. But the problem is that when you’re a 14 year old girl, you are not fully equipped to “fuck away” a situation as if it never happened. All you know how to do is replay the words in your head and wonder what willed it to happen in the first place. Was I really that ugly? You then waste away that summer staring at the mirror way more than considered normal. You try to figure out how to reinvent yourself for the upcoming school year instead of enjoying your time off.

“Stop it, that’s silly, no way, who cares what he said”, may very well be your rebuttal, but think about it. So many women, either in past generations or the one you presently identify with, spend many of their waking hours trying to figure out what THEY themselves did to lead a boy to make fun of them, or a dude to not text them back, or a man to avoid a second or third date.

I have yet to come across a woman that will tell herself… “I was amazing last night and Mr. What’s His F’ing Name couldn’t even appreciate it!”, and then move on as if this occurrence was but a mere drop in their ocean. The wise and experienced Vivian Ward in Pretty Woman put it simply…“The bad stuff is easier to believe”.

Yet, with all the progress and strides that women have made by this century… self esteem, or the lack there of, links and ails us all despite our financial status, education, race or culture. The solution? Is there even such a thing? I can spit out the tried and true “Beauty is skin deep”, “If he was really worth your time, then he’d call”, “There are more fish in the sea”. Your closest comrades might add on “He was a deuche”, “He wasn’t that great to begin with”, “He probably had a baby momma” or “He must suffer from small penis syndrome”. I can bet money that most of you have heard at least one of these at some point and yet, they don’t seem to be helping much.

So then, what to do? What to do? If you pick up 20 self help books, you’ll probably find 20 different suggestions. Speak to your mom, and she’ll inundate you with her wisdom. Girls night out will have your besties telling you just how awesome you are. And ALL THAT in itself IS the solution. They are all correct. They all have something to say that may help you. They all have an ounce of truth. Their desire for you to see how wonderful you are is what you will need to realize just that. There are way too many women in the world, with too many internal and external circumstances to have just one “fix-it” solution. You need to allow others (be it your friends, your family, your coworkers) and even your own self to convince you just how great you are. You have to learn that your looks, your body, your personality, your interests, your abilities, your drive, your wants, and even your flaws and weaknesses make YOU uniquely YOU. We need to encourage each other, support one another, and hopefully, you’ll remember that in Janelle Monae’s words, that even with tears in your eyes, YOU ARE THE SHIT!!!

— The Pretty Platform

Not Enough Time In Your Day?

Where did you rush off to this morning? Did you spring out of bed, speed through your morning routine, run to the bus or train, then power walk to the office, wishing you could stop off at Starbucks for a Grande Pike or a Latte but no time? No time. Never enough time! Home, school/work, back home, sleep, rinse and repeat.

Oh, the notorious lines of practically every adult; “How I wish I had a few extra hours in the day!”

Is that all? Are you sure that’s all you need? Is that your wish? Let’s pause here for a minute. A whole minute. Please count to 60 (with a Mississippi in between) and then get back to the article.

Welcome back! I’m sure you believe that I’m going to provide you with some type of infinite wisdom on how to gain a few extra hours in the day. Oh how I wish I was that powerful. Plus I’m sure you’ve already read quite a few articles trying to do just that. They tell you to stop surfing on your phone, or stop watching those cute, funny cat videos. Or stop binging on Netflix. Maybe the suggestion was to minimize reading emails, or articles on Facebook, or texting all day long. Do all this and you’ll gain extra time. But extra time to do what? Travel? Yeah, you didn’t gain THAT much time. Do laundry? Is that what you really wanted the extra time for? Overtime at the office? You already did your time there so keep it moving.

Here’s the thing…. the exact things they are telling me to stop doing is exactly what I NEED time for.

  • I need to surf on my phone for additional research on article topics. I gain information and in the process I’m learning a few things. I may also need to do this research for products or concerns for my everyday needs or for the kids.
  • I find joy in those cute, funny cat or monkey or piglet clips. They make me happy. They warm my heart. They make me laugh. Especially if I’m watching it on The DoDo!!!
  • I’ve also been wanting to catch up on that Netflix/Hulu show that I find so artistically captivating or just downright juicy. And watching all the episodes at once makes it even more intriguing, especially at night, with a cozy blanket and a glass of wine.
  • Most of my emails are important and NEED to be addressed which is why I have it in the first place. I keep them organized for easier reference and I have four different emails for different needs.
  • Texting my family and friends is actually quite the most efficient way to stay in touch with them, keeping ourselves updated on each others lives, sharing photos and videos, helping uplift one another, while still completing other tasks.
  • As for reading articles on FB, well, this doesn’t apply to me… to a degree, because I’ll read articles elsewhere (NY Post, WordPress, FlipBoard) so in the end, same “time” difference.

l

So, listen up women… HERE is my profound wisdom. Stop allowing others to convince you that you’re falling short. If your home isn’t in shambles, and you’re completing all your work in the office, and your kids are laughing as kids do, and your hair has seen shampoo at least once a week, and you are not wearing your undies inside out due to laundry issues, then you’re using your time just fine for what YOU want or need to use it for. You wanted to do more? Well, then you’re an awesomely ambitious individual and I trust that if that extra task or two is truly important to you, then you’ll squeeze it in somehow, or swap it out for another. If not, then you always have tomorrow, or the weekend. Or you’ll multi-task and fold the laundry, as you watch the last 2 episodes of This is Us, while texting your sister/friend/mother. Problem solved!

As for the 60 seconds I had you count in the beginning? I just wanted to see if you’d really do it. Let me know if you did.

— The Pretty Platform

Do You Really Not Have Enough Time In Your Day?

Where did you rush off to this morning? Did you spring out of bed, speed through your morning routine, run to the bus or train, then power walk to the office, wishing you could stop off at Starbucks for a Grande Pike or a Latte but no time? No time. Never enough time! Home, school/work, back home, sleep, rinse and repeat.

Oh, the notorious lines of practically every adult; “How I wish I had a few extra hours in the day!”

Is that all? Are you sure that’s all you need? Is that your wish? Let’s pause here for a minute. A whole minute. Please count to 60 (with a Mississippi in between) and then get back to the article.

Welcome back! I’m sure you believe that I’m going to provide you with some type of infinite wisdom on how to gain a few extra hours in the day. Oh how I wish I was that powerful. Plus I’m sure you’ve already read quite a few articles trying to do just that. They tell you to stop surfing on your phone, or stop watching those cute, funny cat videos. Or stop binging on Netflix. Maybe the suggestion was to minimize reading emails, or articles on Facebook, or texting all day long. Do all this and you’ll gain extra time. But extra time to do what? Travel? Yeah, you didn’t gain THAT much time. Do laundry? Is that what you really wanted the extra time for? Overtime at the office? You already did your time there so keep it moving.

Here’s the thing…. the exact things they are telling me to stop doing is exactly what I NEED time for.

  • I need to surf on my phone for additional research on article topics. I gain information and in the process I’m learning a few things. I may also need to do this research for products or concerns for my everyday needs or for the kids.
  • I find joy in those cute, funny cat or monkey or piglet clips. They make me happy. They warm my heart. They make me laugh. Especially if I’m watching it on The DoDo!!!
  • I’ve also been wanting to catch up on that Netflix/Hulu show that I find so artistically captivating or just downright juicy. And watching all the episodes at once makes it even more intriguing, especially at night, with a cozy blanket and a glass of wine.
  • Most of my emails are important and NEED to be addressed which is why I have it in the first place. I keep them organized for easier reference and I have four different emails for different needs.
  • Texting my family and friends is actually quite the most efficient way to stay in touch with them, keeping ourselves updated on each others lives, sharing photos and videos, helping uplift one another, while still completing other tasks.
  • As for reading articles on FB, well, this doesn’t apply to me… to a degree, because I’ll read articles elsewhere (NY Post, WordPress, FlipBoard) so in the end, same “time” difference.

l

So, listen up women… HERE is my profound wisdom. Stop allowing others to convince you that you’re falling short. If your home isn’t in shambles, and you’re completing all your work in the office, and your kids are laughing as kids do, and your hair has seen shampoo at least once a week, and you are not wearing your undies inside out due to laundry issues, then you’re using your time just fine for what YOU want or need to use it for. You wanted to do more? Well, then you’re an awesomely ambitious individual and I trust that if that extra task or two is truly important to you, then you’ll squeeze it in somehow, or swap it out for another. If not, then you always have tomorrow, or the weekend. Or you’ll multi-task and fold the laundry, as you watch the last 2 episodes of This is Us, while texting your sister/friend/mother. Problem solved!

As for the 60 seconds I had you count in the beginning? I just wanted to see if you’d really do it. Let me know if you did.

— The Pretty Platform